Marriage is our most important relationship

There are three things that we believe about marriage and want to share with you.

Marriage is your most important relationship
Marriage done right is fulfilling and fun
Good things spring from healthy marriages

We’re writing a series of three posts to unpack each of these core beliefs a little bit to share with you more about what we believe and why we believe it. Today we want to talk about this one (and it’s a big one!).

Marriage is your most important relationship.

Before our kids were born we went to a 6 week course on parenting and preparing for a baby. On the very first day, we didn’t talk about kids or babies or anything close to what we were expecting. We spent the entire time talking about what makes a family.

We walked away from that class wrestling with two key thoughts:

Together, just the two of us, we’re already a family.
Our most important relationship should be our marriage.

Did we believe that we were already a family before our girls were born? Absolutely! When our daughters were born they expanded our family, but the addition of kids isn’t what made us a family. That one was easy.

The second idea – that our relationship should be higher on the list than our relationships with our kids – was harder.

There’s a unique depth of love reserved for parents. It is easy and natural to love our kids. On top of that, there’s the cultural and social stigma expectation that parents put their kids above everyone else.

It feels unpopular to share that we put each other above our kids.

So why do we feel that way?

The health of our marriage impacts the health of our family. We want our kids to grow up in a happy, thriving home. We put our efforts into making our relationship a great one so that, ultimately, we all benefit.
We’re teaching our kids how to think about family. One day our sweet babes will grow up and get married and have sweet babes of their own. We want them to set their standards high, to enjoy a marriage full of love and laughter, to respect their spouses and be respected in return. We’re modeling the relationship we want them to enjoy because this is what creates their mental maps and future expectations.
Our kids are in our home for a quick 18 years and then it’s just the two of us. We want to be a family long after our kids are out of the house and have kids of their own.We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: You cannot put your marriage on autopilot for 18 years and then expect a happily ever after.

For us, putting our marriage first is the foundation for everything else.

Every family is different, so putting your marriage first will look different for your family than it does for ours. How this plays out in your life isn’t as important as setting your intention.

You can read more about how this works for us here.

Take some time to talk through how you prioritize your relationship with one another and commit to keeping your marriage #1. You’ll be amazed to see the positive ripple effect from there.

Conversation starters

If you were to prioritize your relationships, where would you place your marriage?
How might building your marriage strengthen your whole family?
Are there any barriers for you in prioritizing your relationship with your spouse right now? How can you name them and address them?