Updating some outdated marriage advice

Like most married couples, we’ve received tons of marriage advice over the years. Some has been helpful and some… not so much. We thought it would be fun to update some outdated advice from the 1950’s. Each of the tips below has a little nugget of wisdom hidden inside the father-knows-best shell.

Plan ahead

1950’s: Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Today: Whenever possible, try to plan ahead for dinner. Taking care of your own and your partner’s physical needs is a foundational way of showing love and respect for one another.

We meal plan to make grocery shopping and weeknight cooking easier. We’re also big fans of Grubhub when our evening plans go awry. Communication and flexibility here are key.

Bring your best self to your marriage.

1950’s: Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Today: Bring your best self to your marriage and home. If that means practicing self care before spending your evening together, that’s okay. We’re friends with a couple where the husband comes home from work and rests for 20 minutes before joining his family. Those 20 minutes of rest and quiet are well spent because they allow him to engage with his family at his best.

Keep a tidy home

1950’s: Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

Today: Work together to keep your home free from clutter. This is an important one in the Sprout House. We want our home to be a haven from the world and a place where we can connect and de-stress. Clutter gets in the way, so we work together to keep our house in order.

Greet each other

1950’s: Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Today: Be happy to see each other. Greet one another with a hello and a hug and kiss when you come home. It’s a little thing, but it sets the tone for your evening.

Communicate

1950’s: Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Today: Listen to each other and share with each other. Communication is a two-way street. Share highlights from your day with your partner and listen when your partner shares with you. If you’ve read Gary Chapman’s book on love languages, you may be familiar with the babbling brook and the Dead Sea. The idea is that couples tend to be made up of one partner who carries conversations (the babbling brook – in our house, Sarah) and one partner who contributes to the conversation much less (the Dead Sea – in our house, Clement). It’s important that no matter who starts or carries the conversation, both partners listen and contribute.