We put our marriage above our kids. Here’s what that looks like

It’s not super popular, but can we let you in on one of the secrets to our marital success? We put our marriage above every other relationship, every time.

We want a strong healthy family and that begins with building a strong marriage.  

We wrote a longer post about why we think marriage is the most important relationship, but the short version is:

• The health of our marriage impacts the health of our family.
• Our relationship is drawing the framework for how our kids will see marriage and family.
• Once our kids are grown and out of our home, we’ll still be together. We should be happy!

So what does it look like, in a practical sense, to put our marriage first?

• Time. We spend time together. It’s not always easy because we both work outside the home and are involved in our community. Here are some ways we’ve found to make time to be together:
  • A couple of times a year we’ll take a day off of work while the kids are in school and we’ll spend the day together, just the two of us. We’ve gone to breweries (shoutout to Ommegang!), amusement parks, and we’ve even just hung around our house. What we do isn’t as important as the fact that we’re doing it together.
  • We drive together. If the kids have sports practice or there’s an errand to run, more often than not, we go together. Car time can be quality time.
  • We spend time together at home. It’s easy to get busy doing things independently. We try to intentionally be together when we’re hanging around the house in the evenings. It helps us stay connected.
• Interests. We build into and support one another’s interest. Health is important to us so we took up running and working out together. We like different sports and teams, but we watch games for all of our various teams and sports together. Don’t get us wrong. We’re not together all the time, but when something is important to one of us, we make it a priority to show interest and support.
• Money. We consider each other when we make financial decisions, and we don’t just mean the big ones. We’re not penny pinchers, but we are aware that day-to-day spending undermines people’s financial goals all the time. We have big dreams for our lives and we keep that in mind when we’re spending. (side note: we both work in finance, so it’s a thing we think about a lot!). We’re faithful to each other in our spending, even if that sometimes means skipping lunch out with our coworkers or say “sorry guys, not this time” to a happy hour.

Putting your marriage first looks different for every family.

If you’ve been putting your kids (or parents, friends, or anyone else) above your marriage, it may take a little while to make the shift and that’s okay.

A huge part of getting it right is communicating your expectations to one another. Keep the lines of communication open and be patient with each other as you re-prioritize to put your relationship first. You can do it, and you’ll be glad you did.

Conversation Starters

1. Have there been times that you’ve put other relationships above your marriage?
2. Looking at life right now, where is your marriage on your list of priorities?
3. What are some practical ways that you can put your marriage first? What are some practical ways you’d like your spouse to show they’re putting your marriage first?